Coming Out
For gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (GLBT) people, coming out is a process of understanding, accepting, and valuing one's sexual orientation and identity. Coming out includes both exploring one's identity and sharing that identity with others. It also involves coping with societal responses and attitudes toward GLBT people. GLBT individuals are forced to come to terms with what it means to be different in a society that tends to assume everyone to be heterosexual and that tends to judge differences from the norm in negative ways. The coming out process is very personal. This process happens in different ways and occurs at different ages for different people. Some people are aware of their sexual identity at an early age; others arrive at this awareness only after many years. Coming out is a continuing, sometimes lifelong, process.
Coming Out to Oneself
Recognizing your own sexual identity and working toward self-aceptance are the
first steps in coming out. First, concerning sexual identity, it helps to
think of a sexual orientation continuum that ranges from exclusive same sex
attraction to exclusive opposite sex attraction. Exploring your sexual
identity may include determining where you presently fit in that continuum.
There are many things to think about when coming out. Some of the positive outcomes may be increased self-esteem, greater honesty in one's life, and a sense of greater personal integrity. In addition, there is often a sense of relief and a reduction of tension when one stops trying to deny or hide such an important part of his/her life. Coming out can lead to greater freedom of self- expression, positive sense of self, and more healthy and honest relationships.
Coming Out to Other Lesbians and Gay Men
Often, after spending some time getting in touch with one's own feelings, the
next step is to come out to others. It is usually advisable to come out
first to those that are most likely to be supportive. GLBT people are a
potential natural support system because they have all experienced at least some
of the steps in the process of coming out. Furthermore, coming out to
other GLBT people can help you build a community of people who can support and
assist you in coming out to others in your life. Many GLBT communities
offer a number of helpful resources, including local coming out groups, social outlets, and political and cultural activities and
organization.
Coming out to other GLBT people does not need to happen quickly. Also, choosing to do so does not mean that you must conform to real or presumed expectations of the GLBT community. What is most important is that you seek your own path through the coming out process and that you attend to your unique, personal timetable. You should not allow yourself to be pressured into anything you are not ready for or don't want to do. It is important to proceed at your own pace, being honest with yourself and taking time to discover who you really are.
In Coming Out to Others, consider the following:
- Think about what you want to say and choose the time and place carefully.
- Be aware of what the other person is going through. The best time for you might not be the best time for someone else.
- Present yourself honestly and remind the other person that you are the same individual you were yesterday.
- Be prepared for an initially negative reaction from some people. Do not forget that it took time for you to come to terms with your sexuality, and that it is important to give others the time they need.
- Have friends lined up to talk with you later about what happened.
- Don't give up hope if you don't initially get the reaction you wanted.